Balancing the Masculine/Feminine

Last night I had a pretty crumby performance as a mother. My inner child was boiling from not being heard by my own child and I exploded in a rage and broke a toy that he loves. I immediately was taken aback by my own behavior and apologized while also analyzing within what just happened. Don't worry, we discussed it, came to a compromise for the future, and hugged it out.

But what had really happened? Yes, my inner child was in my throne of my solar plexus (a place of power, will and confidence) and she was en fuego! I sat with her till she broke everything she could, thrashed about, yelled and kicked. Finally she tired out (this is a lot like the Disney Short "Aunt Edna"). Once we worked her into becoming an ally (I asked her to help me see how to best communicate with Calvin - because being an adult and rationalizing does not always make sense in a kid brain that is still developing....), I turned around and saw the figure which represents my divine masculine.

He was big, and powerful, and kind of sheepish. He knew he was being driven by the wrong person LOL. Now, I am not bypassing blame or responsibility here... but we recognized immediately that my divine masculine and feminine sides were off balance. The Masculine, the place of action, was in full force. My Feminine, place of wisdom, was off duty and not to be found.

Through some energy work and a reiki session, I regained balance. This post is not about that process, but instead, about knowing when your masculine and feminine are off.


This is all action - going outward with your energy, enacting choices and plans, and pursuing judgement for specific reasons (think of judgement as consequences or outcomes - not all are harsh). This is when we decide the time is NOW - this is where we enact the wisdom of the feminine. Not all expressions of Masculine are intense - it can also be like a gentle dad with a solid backbone - compassionate but firm, focused but open minded, nurturing ourselves with kind actions.

Some ways to know when your masculine is off:

  • If you are lacking in confidence and let other people decide your actions (or said differently) your behavior is dependent on the possible reaction of others (choosing the easiest path so you don't get any kick back from another).

  • If you are all action, and no reflection (this would be the balance of the feminine) - you don't think, you just DO.

  • If you are angry, upset, frustrated or pointing blame outward (this is usually our masculine coming to the defense of our feminine).

  • You have all the ideas, inspiration and awareness but you can't seem to bring any of it to fruition - nothing is moving, it is all stagnant.


This is all about wisdom - going inward with your focus - processing experiences, unpacking shadow self, understanding ways to heal, thinking about what has happened in your day/week/month... The feminine is where you get the full picture of what has transpired, recognizing the truth of all aspects of the experience(s). This is where we inform action of the masculine after learning and growing from past experiences, and engaging with our intuition (coming to the heart of who we are). The feminine can also be more than a witness - she can be fierce in her honesty - calling for absolute truth no matter how it feels, reminding us we are fallible, and disallowing bypassing of painful healing.

Some ways to know when your feminine is off:

  • Completely shut down your emotions - no feelings about anything - nor curiosity about your experiences, your sensations, etc. Just numb.

  • You allow others to tell you how you feel, how you think or how you enjoy certain relationships, experiences, etc.

  • Think that you are never wrong, super defensive, or ignoring when others try to talk to you about your actions/behaviors.

  • You are constantly doing things to try and make stuff work, but nothing is and you can't figure out why - completely burning out of energy with no idea of what's going on.

When we witness this and can dig under a few layers to find out how our imbalance is created, we can begin to understand the best way to right ourselves (like my example above, understanding that my angry inner child took over for my feminine and was barking orders). Or, for example, feeling overwhelmed by emotion and totally frozen - might mean that you are not taking action for fear of the unknown (or fear of a particular outcome, or reaction from another). That doesn't mean you will have all the keys immediately to fix it - but you will have an understanding of what is going on inside. With that understanding, you can then begin to make choices that empower you, that slightly steer the ship in a new direction, and bring you some release from the stagnation. Once we can begin to flow, even just a little bit, we can really begin to rebalance ourselves.

Of course, you know I am going to say.... If you need help with this, by all means, reach out to a holistic therapist... this can be worked on by many ways: diet and exercise, mindfulness activities, healing such as myofascial or acupuncture/acupressure, talk therapy, and of course, energy work.

Every day is a new day. Take life one day at a time. Do the best you can for you, and if you mess up... that is OKAY. Be compassionate with yourself, figure out where you need support, and then make a positive choice moving forward.

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